


Unauthorized Expenses

by rummyjoe



Category: True Blood
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-15
Updated: 2009-07-15
Packaged: 2017-10-31 03:45:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rummyjoe/pseuds/rummyjoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sookie, Bill, and Jessica return from Dallas, Eric has questions about some of the items charged to room service.</p><p>Spoilers: for 2.04</p><p>(written before 2.05 aired, so a couple of details were jossed)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unauthorized Expenses

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. I am not making money from this endeavor. No infringement intended.

 

"Bill, control your child," Eric demanded, exasperated. If Jessica's tears stained the antique oriental rug he had just acquired, Pam would never let him hear the end of it.

"Jessica, you have to stop. As your maker, I--"

"I'm so sorry, Bill. It's just that you said I couldn't hunt, and I never had room service before," Jessica choked out between sobs. "Sookie was there, she understood."

Sookie fidgeted as all eyes turned to her.

"What's the meaning of this, Sookie?" Bill fussed.

He was always so uptight. Not for the first time, Eric wondered where Bill's maker had gone wrong.

"I, uh," the girl stammered. Sookie gulped, and her heart sped up. Eric was distracted by the sound of the blood roaring through her veins, and he only half heard what she said next, not that it mattered to him. "I only knew about two of them, and I really did mean to make her send the first one back, but then Barry was there and we read each other's minds and I chased him down the hall, but I was in my robe and I had to go back to get dressed, and by the time I changed and did my hair and makeup, they had... Jessica... um. Travis was leaving."

"Travis?" Bill always found it hard to follow Sookie's train of thought.

"He was the first...donor that Jessica, uh, bought."

"The correct term is prostitute," Bill stated haughtily, as if he had something to be morally superior about.

"He wasn't a prostitute!" Jessica practically shouted. "He was a nice boy, and he was on the menu. I couldn't help myself," Jessica whined. "He tasted _so good_ after only having TruBlood for so long." Her crying had stopped, and a dreamy look had appeared on her face. 

"But _seven_ of them, Jessica?!"

"I warned you that a blood substitute was not enough to satisfy a new vampire, Bill," Eric chastised him in his best _I told you so_ tone. "Now, there is also the matter of the adult movies she ordered. Quite a number of them."

Bill glared at Jessica with narrowed eyes. If looks could kill, she'd have been dead a second time.

"What are you talking about? I didn't order any movies!"

"Nothing will be gained by lying, Jessica," Bill fumed.

"She's not lying," Pam interrupted.

"Hmm?" Eric kept stern eyes on the young vampire, who looked like she was about to start blubbering again. Eric sighed.

Pam pointed to the paper Eric held in his hand. "The movies were ordered during the daytime. Jessica would have been sleeping."

"Thank you!" Jessica smiled, vindicated.

"Then that means..." Eric turned to Sookie, who was very intensely studying a loose thread on the pantleg of her jeans.

"Sookie?" Bill sounded appalled.

"It got dull, sitting around all day while y'all slept," she finally answered in a tiny voice.

"You must have been incredibly... _bored_ ," Eric said, scanning the long list of movies itemized on the hotel bill.

"You could have at least ordered something interesting," Pam observed. " _Intercourse with the Vampire_? _Muffy the Vampire Layer_? How pedestrian."

Bill was making offended noises while the embarrassed Jessica was trying very hard to see if her vampire powers included making herself either invisible or at the very least, extremely tiny.

"Oh, but look," Eric said, pointing at the paper. " _Brad the Impaler_. Clever title." He spoke in a little aside to Pam, "I told you turning him was a good strategic move. He has made us quite a lot of money."

Pam laughed. "You know as well as I that it was because 'Louis' annoyed the fuck out of you."

Eric nodded in acquiescence. "I do have to admit that was part of it." He brought his attention back to the present. "Let's see...we also have _Vampire Gladiators_. _Three Vamps and a Lovely Lady_." He raised an inquiring eyebrow. "And what is this - _Bi-Light_?"

Pam made a little purring noise in the back of her throat and blew a kiss at Sookie, whose cheeks burned bright red. She hadn't missed the fact that she was the only one in the room without a set of fangs currently at full attention. She crossed and uncrossed her legs three or four times and fidgeted with a loose tendril of her hair, not able to find anywhere safe for her eyes to rest, other than the floor. 

"Oh, look!" Pam's laughter broke through the thick silence. "She rented _Fangtasia_!"

"How much of that one did you watch?" Eric asked a bit too intently.

"Only a couple minutes," Sookie answered, her eyes darting up then back to the floor. "It was a really old one, and the ladies' hairstyles looked funny." 

"Pity." Eric resumed shuffling through the statements on his desk. "It is considered a milestone of vampire culture. It was the first commercially produced all-vampire movie production," he explained.

"Is that why you named the bar Fangtasia?" Sookie asked, her eyes only briefly meeting Eric's. "Because you liked the movie?" 

"It's because he was in it," Pam jumped in with severely understated glee before Eric could answer.

"What?!" She would never admit it to anyone, but at that moment Sookie hated herself for turning the movie off.

"You were in a porno?" Jessica leaned forward, suddenly no longer embarrassed.

"I had a bit part," Eric said modestly.

Pam chuckled.

Jessica was sitting on her hands, clearly bursting with questions, but still too much a product of her human upbringing to ask them.

"Oh, hell!" her curiosity got the better of her, "How did you do it? I mean, I know _how_ you did it - thanks to Travis!" She giggled. "I mean, did one of your superiors just come to you and say, 'You're going to be in a porno'?"

"I was asked in what I would guess is the normal way for such things," Eric answered, amused. "I'd gained a bit of a reputation over the years, you see."

"Yes, we know," Bill sarcastically broke in. "You're ancient and know more about everything than all of us put together, which includes being a master of carnal pleasure." 

"That, and he's hung like a horse," Pam deadpanned.

In response to the look Eric shot her way, she shrugged and said, "I told you humility doesn't suit you. Besides, it was a fabulous performance."

He inclined his head graciously toward Pam and shuffled papers around his desk in an attempt to pretend he wasn't pleased by her praise. 

"Yes, well, back to the matter at hand. I will pay for the service this Travis provided. A gift for how well behaved - relatively of course - Jessica has been lately." (Jessica beamed her best Sunday School smile at Eric.) "The rest of her room service bill, however, will fall to you, Bill, since she was your guest on this trip."

"Fine," Bill bit out, not at all happy.

Eric sighed again. Bill was always such a downer. "I understand that you were bored, Sookie, but on future excursions, please limit yourself to one or two such 'diversions' per day."

"Yes, of course," Sookie choked out, too mortified at that moment to argue that she didn't plan to go on any more vampire business trips.

"We've got a long drive back to Bon Temps," Bill cut in, "and it's getting close to dawn."

The three visitors rose and started toward the door.

"One last thing, Bill." Eric finally let free the smirk he'd been fighting. "If you need help keeping your human satisfied, you only need ask."

The affronted snarls that escaped Bill as he exited the office kept a smile on Eric's face for the rest of the night.


End file.
